the work of a recovering depressaholic

Perhaps it’s best to start by using a metaphor to explain the human mind: say, a boat adrift a large body of water.  The navigator of this boat has learned to sail on specific currents.  These currents may have been taught to her, or they may have been pre-paved before she was even born, or a combination of both.  The currents may be strengthened, or weakened, by outer circumstances or inner thoughts, but it is always up to the navigator where to steer her boat.  However, like most navigators, she probably isn’t aware that there is anywhere else to go, or that the currents even exists.  She just sails along, her life and thoughts guided by wherever the currents take her.

I have probably been depressed since childhood, or at least that’s where my training began.  My father was an expert pessimist, my mother paranoid.  There were few family members or adult role models who taught me how to comfort myself, or look on the bright side of things, or put intention and focus on seeking fun and joy in life.

As I grew older, I came to see my feelings as a part of who I was, and I was often depressed.  This created a sense of self plagued with low self-esteem and very little confidence.  Although I read several books on metaphysics and spirituality that brought hope and answered many of life’s questions, the happiness I felt from reading this material was always temporary, and I still had trouble maintaining a permanent sense of joy.  What I didn’t understand was that my feelings and self-perception were something I could have control over.  Eventually I gained control of my thoughts and emotions and figured out how to life a joyful life.

Let me be clear on something: it took me YEARS to get to the point I am at now.  Life did not become beautiful overnight to be lived happily ever after.  Even now I usually require some sort of daily maintenance or I start to slip.  Those old dark currents aren’t as strong as they used to be, but my boat still floats toward them with ease.  Without some daily mental exercise to keep my mind disciplined, strong, and focused on the positive, things start to get a little hairy.  But the good news is that the more I exercise the positive currents in my brain, the stronger they get.

What is my daily mental exercise?  Whatever I can do to find that happy and connected space in my mind.  Methods that have worked for me include:

• Reading an inspiring book.
• Walking and/or jogging for a few miles, especially in natural surroundings such as a path in the woods.
• Repeating and meditating on positive affirmations.
• Mentally focusing on my goals and intentions and then journaling my progress.
• Visualizing a higher power, higher self, or source energy, and then feeling myself connect with it.

I also try to take care of my physical body by eating right and exercising.

Like alcoholics and other addicts, people who have problems with depression have to work harder because all those years of neurosis have grooved certain pathways in the brain.  Recovering is a constant practice in getting those brain nuerons to go in a completely different direction, which feels very unnatural to the navigator.  Our mind’s way of thinking, those stubborn nuerons in our brain, can be difficult to reverse, however it can be done.  Just like anything else in life, steering the mind’s boat gets easier with intention and practice.  Eventually, with enough practice, that happy and connected state can evolve to become a natural part of a person’s being.  That’s my goal anyway.