I’m to the point of being completely frustrated and uninterested in reading and thinking about all this advaita oneness enlightenment stuff.
I have these books and I’m just completely not interested! There is too much to understand with all these words and concepts, and I really don’t care about all that. I just want to know what to do, which apparently is nothing, so why bother? I know that “there is nothing to do” can’t be true anyway because something is being done in the mind during the transition from “seeker” to “experiencer”, even if that something is the process of undoing.
I sometimes wonder about the point of doing anything at all in life. If nothing matters and it is all experience anyway, then why bother?
If I go all the way in making spirituality my number one priority, I KNOW that nothing else would matter. There is a certain state I can be in where literally nothing does matter, but in order to reach that state I detach from everything else. I could stay living here with my ex and it wouldn’t matter to me how many other women he dated, assuming I could maintain this state of course. But on the other hand, if I were to maintain this state I think it would become extremely difficult for me to focus on other things I need to survive, like upholding a job.
Sometimes I literally don’t know what I should do next because I don’t see the point in it. I know what I have to do: Be responsible for my own life, finding some way to maintain my physical existence, which right now means working at a job,
What we desire most determines what is most important to us. It determines what we choose to focus on in life. I don’t know what to desire or if I should desire anything in the first place. I could relinquish all desire and see what happens with that. But I also have things I want to happen in my life. Should I stop wanting these things? Should I just forget about those things and focus on “enlightenment”? Because I think I could you know. But then these other things probably wouldn’t happen and I wouldn’t be able to experience them. And isn’t that what life is about? Experience?
What about a job? Money to pay for my expenses? Food? Should I stop desiring something to eat as well.
I guess if we took it to the extreme, somebody could desire nothing and be at one with everything. That person would be completely fulfilled just sitting there in a catatonic state having nothing and doing nothing at all. Eventually maybe people would notice and, thinking he’s crazy, take that person away to an insane asylum. Or maybe this person would die from starvation and the elements from not desiring sustenance. But it would be OK because he’s reached the end goal of enlightenment, right?
I have had plenty of days when I have felt the same way. That seeking enlightenment sucks. Like I was never going to get it, so why bother. I had to stop reading and obsessing about whether I was doing it ‘right’. I no longer happen to believe that there is a ‘right’ way. There is ‘my’ way. That is whatever I need it to be. When I stop expecting myself to be the perfect spiritual ‘person’, I become the perfect spiritual ‘being’ that I was meant to be. Just be you, dear friend, and the enlightenment will feel right. I have been enlightened by what you say many times.
Jill´s last blog ..Here is what I DO know
Hi Jill.
I’m just trying to understand it, but it’s not understandable. But you’re right, sometimes it’s best to just let it go for a while and move onto something else.
Holy Cow, Christine!
Your line “What we desire most determines what is important to us.” knocked me over the head like a 2X4. I’ve heard many times that if I look at my checkbook and my calendar, then I will see what I value.
I remember listening to a tape by Carolyn Myss and she said something about what a crock it was to think that enlightment meant that we wouldn’t have jobs or responsibilities but that we would get to sit around and “om” with your friends. I’ll tell you, I was pissed off! That’s exactly what I want to do. Somehow, it hasn’t worked out that way.
Hugs to you!
Sandi
Sandi Delia´s last blog ..A Confident Big Ball of Twine
Yeah, I’ve pretty much given up on trying to envision what true enlightenment will be like, except knowing that it’s a completely different state of mind than what I currently know. I’m going to try studying ACIM again, because that at least makes me feel better. As for desire determining what is most important to us, I inferred that from reading Law of Attraction books. If you haven’t heard of Abraham-Hicks yet, you should check them out.
This is so fun! I see myself in your words. The frustrations, the “I want to give up, but I can’t”, kind of piss me off thing where it won’t let go of you and you can’t shake it – like a booger stuck to your finger!
It’s a mess, I know. Mind buzzing, getting all pissed off at these Advaita clowns who tell you shit you already know, and being all esoteric and crap! It’s funny (not that I’m laughing at your situation). Like I said, I see me here, and you’re writing about it… me. Sooo funny!
For whatever reason, I don’t give two craps about it right now. I’m content like a cat flopped over on it’s side in a sunny window. Not seeking, but still… uh… investigating, I guess? Just a loose condition of sorts, knowing I can’t get it, and not having the frustration that goes along with it is kinda cool for a change. Maybe it’s the Christmas season thing? Who knows, but nothing will satisfy this craving of yours, unfortunately. It gets WORSE! Then it gets better. Cycle O’ Drama!
Merry Christmas, Christine!
Mike´s last blog ..Reading Minds & The Gong Show
As I was writing this I was like, Oh my gosh, I’m turning into Mike! And just a few weeks ago I made a comment to you saying something like, Oh this stuff is just SO fun to learn about. Well whatever. lol
I like it when I’m to the point you are right now, not caring about it but investigating. I think reading I Am That was setting me off, by getting more deeply into all these concepts and stuff than I was really ready for, or even wanted.
Well, thanks for the warning that nothing will satisfy this craving. That’s just GREAT. Maybe it’s a game of sorts–the more your mind craves the more you have to let it go, and one day you get to the point where you have to let go so much that it ALL goes. Until there’s nothing. And then you get it. Whatever. Who cares. I’m sick of trying to figure it out but I can’t help it! Where are the other people like us? We need a 12 step program or something!
Merry Christmas to you and your family too, Mike!
Dear M.J.
You may be frustrated, but never not interested.
It frustrates you, it drives you nuts – precisely because you are nuts about it.
And also… It must frustrate you, or else, it wouldn’t be worth winning.
Its nature is very frustrating – you know it, don’t you?
Ha! That’s awesome Walter. “It must frustrate you, or else it wouldn’t be worth winning.” I like that.