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Art

At Mike’s request, here are some things I’ve painted. I have to warn you, I just do this for fun so don’t expect any Picassos or Georgia O’Keefes (love her by the way.)

I first became interested in painting back when I was 26 or 27, about 10 years ago. I bought some books and learned what I could out of those. Here are some samples of what I did back then:

A green pepper in acrylic from following instructions in an art book.

Green pepper

Playing around with watercolors. A bell pepper is to the left, a “peach” to the right.

Playing with watercolors

Abstract experimentation. Kind of earthy and organic looking, isn’t it?

Acrylic Abstract Experimentation

And now for some more recent stuff. So it’s been at least 7 or 8 years since I even touched a paintbrush. A couple weeks ago I just had this huge urge to paint again. So far this is the most presentable stuff I can show right now:

Practicing clouds and washes.

Practicing clouds and washes

This is my first attempt at a cloud. I was also experimenting with different colors and gradations of washes, which you see in the purple-green-blue background. The wash is diluted color, which contrasts interestingly with the thick, undiluted paint I used for the ground. Later on, I added the orange and grey-blue to the cloud to see what would happen.

Desert Bloom. Heh, maybe you can find the google image I painted this from. ;)

Desert Bloom

Ok, maybe it’s not too bad :) but definitely could use improvement in my opinion. My favorite part is the sky. The mountains are unfinished because I just couldn’t take painting this anymore and had to stop. If you dabble in anything artistic then you know what I mean. :) I like the sense of depth here and how different parts of the painting contrast with each other (the sky, the mountains, the flowering bushes.)

So there you go.

Why the Law of Attraction Doesn’t Work

There are lots of people out there who think the Law of Attraction doesn’t work, and I can understand why.

It seems too easy, too much like a shortcut to life. It goes against everything we’ve been taught about reality. (HA! “reality”) There seem to be too many holes in the basic rules of how the Law of Attraction works: people wonder, for example, how children could possibly “attract” abuse or how an entire country “attracts” famine.

I think the biggest problem is that people misunderstand the Law of Attraction. I believe in the Law of Attraction, but I also believe that:

  1. Practicing the Law of Attraction is NOT easy for most people.
  2. The Law of Attraction does NOT necessarily provide instant gratification or guarantee that you will ever get what you want.
  3. Manifesting your desires through the Law of Attraction does NOT guarantee joy because it is not external experiences that make us joyful; it is our internal beliefs/feelings/perceptions.
  4. Most importantly, the Law of Attraction relies on your internal beliefs, feelings and perceptions in order to accurately project your desires externally. This means that if you have any unresolved issues, what you manifest may not match what your true desires but will instead reflect those issues you still need to resolve.

Often, our unresolved issues are so hidden that we don’t realize they are there, and instead of giving us what we think we want, the universe manifests challenging situations in order to help us grow so that we are more in tune with our “higher self.”

And this is the most frequent reason why the Law of Attraction does not work for people.

So…

You can not have a successful relationship if you still have major trust issues towards romantic partners.

You are not going to get the job of your dreams if you lack the confidence and self worth to do the actual work.

You are not going to manifest money AND be happy if you still haven’t learned how to have fun and enjoy life. (You may manifest the money but still be miserable. And what good is that? :) )

You are not going to manifest anything you want if deep down inside you don’t feel like you truly deserve it.

You will be slow to manifest anything you want if your “energy level,” your inner vibration so to speak, is too low or negative. (Have you ever noticed that the really high energy, positive “go-getters” are the ones who seem to get the most out of life?)

So, if there’s something you want to manifest in life, think again and ask yourself what you REALLY want.

You may want more money, but is it really the money you want? Or do you really want the freedom that you think will come with having lots of money? And if it is that freedom that you want, then this means you are not feeling that freedom inside yourself already. And therefore the universe may manifest a situation where you are dirt poor, because that may happen to be the best way to set up a series of life situations that force you to learn how to experience true inner freedom.

See? It’s not that easy.

People really need to stop making the Law of Attraction into this panacea miracle cure for life. Because the truth is, while the Law of Attraction is an awesome life tool, it isn’t all that.

The life lessons we need to learn will always preempt the Law of Attraction, so if there is something you want to manifest in life make sure to work on your issues first!

Witnessing Multiple ‘Selves’

Last week I has an unusual experience.

I had been dealing with allergies and an emerging sinus infection that left me extremely fatigued, and in an effort to alleviate all this I took some non-drowsy Claritin-D. If you’ve ever taken Claritin-D, you will know that the “non-drowsy” part is some powerful stuff! Even though I took a 12-hour dose, I still had trouble sleeping that night, tossing and turning and waking up every few hours.

Sometime during the morning I found myself in a half-asleep half-awake state, and experienced two distinct ‘me’s in existence. One ‘me’ was agitated, uncomfortable and physically anxious from the medication. The other ‘me’ was relaxed and waiting to drift off to sleep. ‘I’ kept switching back and forth between these two selves, trying to get into a comfortable state but with the anxious self somewhat dominating the experience.

Now I’ve had experiences of not being able to sleep before where I’ve gone back and forth between anxious and relaxed, but I never experienced this as two separate selves. In the end the anxious self won and I woke up completely, which brought me back to experiencing one whole self again.

But I have to wonder how many selves there really were.

Who was the me that was agitated?
Who was the me that was relaxed?
And also, who was doing the switching back and forth between the two?
And who was witnessing all this?

In that moment, were there actually four ‘me’s?

I realize now that this identification on who ‘me’ is could go on for infinity, how something like multiple personality disorder can exist.

I wonder what the self experienced by the girl in the following video would have to say about it. Like her, all I know is that my experience was quite peculiar. :)


Girl Trips After Wisdom Teeth Removal – Watch more Funny Videos

Is There Such a Thing as Love at First Sight

One time, in the near or distant past, a friend told me she was worried about a young woman we both knew who was falling for someone way too hard and undeniably too fast. My friend described how this woman was already making all kinds of future plans with this guy, how she wanted to have his babies. I asked how long the young woman had known this man. My friend replied, “One week.”

Yikes.

Now if you want to know the deal on “love at first sight”, here’s what I think.

Love at first sight is possible and does happen, but is superficial because you don’t really know who it is you are loving.

Love at first sight unchecked is UNHEALTHY and, in certain situation, potentially dangerous!

Love at first sight means loving someone, and therefore being vulnerable to that person, without knowing who they really are.

Love is a feeling, an experience, that we choose to feel. Love is a choice. And the feeling of being in love is definitely not something created or given by another person.

If we don’t feel enough of a connection within to love ourselves, we try to get that validation externally. We end up needing someone.

There is a difference between being in love and establishing a healthy relationship.

Establishing a healthy relationship means taking the time to really know someone before throwing yourself at them.

It takes TIME to really get to know someone and learn WHO THEY ARE in ALL OF LIFE’S POSSIBLE SITUATIONS.

For example, here are some of the situations you might want to know about someone before dedicating your heart, soul and life to them:
How is this person when they are angry?
How is this person when he is happy?
How is this person when he is sad?
How is this person when I am angry, happy or sad?
How is this person when he is sick? When I am sick? When we are both sick?
How is this person when there is a disagreement?
How is this person in bad traffic, at the grocery store, with his family, with homeless people?
How is this person when we argue?

And that last question brings me to my personal rule about relationships: I never, EVER, let myself become completely vulnerable with someone until we’ve at least had our first argument/disagreement. Why?

When you’ve had your first argument, you’re no longer in that going out of your way to please the other stage.

Even after your first argument or disagreement, you might still be in the trying to please the other stage, but at least that stage has been cracked. Now you know you’re on your way to knowing the real person behind the fog of love.

Why did I create a list of things to know about the person you’re falling in love with? Because REAL deep, meaningful love means learning all about the person. Even the most trivial thing is important, at least to me.

How is this person when he wakes up in the morning? When he goes to sleep? What does he find funny? What disgusts him?

It’s not about judging the person. It’s about learning who this person is, this person to whom I’m dedicating my heart. There is so much to know.

Also, I am not saying that you need to wait until you know every single detail about the person before making a commitment. Learning about the people you love is ongoing. It never ends. But when things are new, it is better to be aware and to know as much as you can about a person before completely falling for him or her. And that’s what I have to say about love at first sight.

Finish Each Day and Be Done With It

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

(I saw this quote while reading a post from fussy.org and liked it so much I decided to post it here. :) )

False Comfort in Our Beliefs

Today I was talking to someone in training to be a priest. I asked what his life was like living in a monastery and he mentioned taking the vows of chastity, poverty and obedience in order to live a life like Jesus. He then talked about sacraments and the life of Jesus, how the bread and wine of the Eucharist represents the body and blood of Christ, and how that represents him sacrificing his life for us.

And now I am converted to Catholicism.

Ha ha. Just kidding. :)

The truth is that while I could listen to him without judgment, as well as respect his beliefs and lifestyle, a little part of me was thinking But it’s not true!

This was a guy my age or younger (and not bad looking either!) who had devoted his entire life to God. Everything he does, everything in his life, revolves around this decision. It is not his life. It is “God’s” life.

As I stood there listening to him – his words juxtaposed with my own firm beliefs of nondualism – I pondered, out of pure curiosity, the effects of him learning that everything he worked for was based on erroneous beliefs. His world would be shattered. He is so deeply involved in his training and devotion. It would be devastating!

I imagined if he was meant to discover that “truth” is outside of Christianity, it would probably have to be a long and slow process. Only time and lots of eye-opening learning experiences could unravel his tightly wound beliefs. It would be an extremely painful process and would completely change how he defined himself as a person.

And then I shifted this thought over to myself. What if I were to learn that everything I believed in were false? In fact, even though I feel fairly confident about my own spiritual beliefs, I really don’t know anything for sure. Or maybe I understand the spiritual concepts, but don’t quite have the right perception or correct view of the world. But right now I am comfortable with my beliefs. My beliefs are my cradle. Being thrown into a belief system that is vastly different from what I know would be too much of a shock.

To completely change my world perception would take a lot of time, a lot of contemplation and an extreme willingness to keep my mind open to new thoughts and beliefs. I then realized why the young priest-in-training and his beliefs should be left alone. If he was meant to discover new truths it would have to be when he was ready.

And this is true of everybody. We are all stuck in some type of belief system. And I don’t know where else I am going with this, except maybe this is why we shouldn’t judge others, because we are all in the same boat. Just lost souls randomly floating about with this belief system or that, feeling like we KNOW, but not really knowing a damn thing! :)

For Better Romantic Relationships, Be True to Yourself

A study shows that college students who were authentically themselves had better dating relationships.

Happy What Day?

Right now I am glad to be single. There are so many people out there feeling lonely because it’s Valentine’s Day and they don’t have any significant others to celebrate with. Screw all that. I am glad to be free of this wanting, this needing to be with someone and all the anxiety that comes with it. There’s nothing wrong with being happily single, and in fact it is very empowering. Today is just a day, a normal average day, and I’m more than OK with that.

I’ve never been a fan of Valentine’s Day. It’s supposed to be a day to celebrate romance and love, but romance and love can’t be forced. It’s either there or it’s not. You either feel it or you don’t. And if you aren’t feeling that love enough to celebrate it naturally on any other day, then trying to express it on V Day is going to come across as superficial and pressurized.

To me, romance is best experienced through spontaneous expression, not with expensive flowers (roses? ugh) or chocolate (which I can’t eat anyway) and dinners at packed restaurants (with ALL THOSE OTHER couples celebrating too). The ideal Valentines celebration for me would be something creative, unique, and most importantly, authentic. I would rather do something simple such as taking a walk in the woods or getting coffee where we first met or making a meal together, than have a huge celebration that doesn’t reflect who we are as a couple.

I actually like Valentine’s Day better when I am single because then it can just be another day. There is too much pressure to make the day special when you are coupled with someone else, especially if you just started dating. How awkward is it to figure out what to do with someone you are still getting to know? Then because you don’t know what else to do, you end up falling back on the same old flowers, chocolate and dinner out routine. And then what? You both act like it’s special, because it’s Valentine’s Day and things are supposed to be special, even though it might not really feel that special. Thank goodness I’m not in that predicament.

Happy Day everyone. :)

Blizzard 2010 Aftermath

Because CLEARLY there aren’t enough of them going around already, some pics of the 2010 DC Metro Blizzard round two:

The first blizzard wasn’t so bad; it was even a little exciting. The second was a real drag. On Wednesday, I avoided looking out the window too much because all I would see was this bleakness:

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Out back the lake was actually freezing over! This never happens.

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The next day was a lot better. I shoveled my driveway AGAIN and actually managed to find places to put all that snow. The sun was shining, the sky was a brilliant rich blue, and pavement could be seen again! Oh pavement. Sweet, sweet pavement!

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Things started melting and evaporating and god that was such a great thing to see. :) This snow on the second floor deck might take a while to melt though. There is actually a lounge chair underneath all that:

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Someone’s sports car with the side mirror peeking out:

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Crazy ominous windswept icicles hung from the houses. Makes me think of Tim Burton:

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And that is that. :)

I Have a New Job, and Other Stuff

So the past few weeks have been chock full of activity. I was offered a part-time position that barely pays any better than my current contract job, but offers benefits and more chances for growth. At the very least it will tide me over until I find something better.

I found out just before being offered the position that my current boss did not want me to continue working part-time once I found another job, and I HAD to find something else to supplement my income if I accepted the position. My boss encouraged me to negotiate a better salary while my boyfriend encouraged me to ask for 50% more hours per week. So I asked the person who interviewed me what could be done. His response was not very optimistic, but he called me back last Thursday and was somehow able to rearrange some things and pull some strings and was able to give me 8 extra hours per week (2 hours less than what I asked for). That was enough, more than I expected to get, and I accepted the job.

That same day, an hour or so later, my boss and I went up to human resources to see about renewing my contract another few weeks, until my new job started. It turns out that my contract couldn’t be renewed at all. I had been working under a contract for one year, and contracts were not renewable after 12 months. Neither my boss nor I knew about this policy and it took both of us by surprise. It is actually a blessing I didn’t know about my contract not being renewable! My God, the freaking out that would have occurred before finding this job!

So this is one of those examples where things seem to just work out. And I feel like it’s that time in my life where things are going to change dramatically.

This ALWAYS happens. It’s some kind of pattern that emerges every once in a while: chaos and disorder followed by things working out and falling into place. I’m sure this happens to everyone, but for me it seems to happen to the extreme.

Aside from the job situation, my current primary relationship is going through a drastic transformation. Because of some life directions my boyfriend wants to pursue, I can’t continue being in a romantic relationship with him and will probably be moving out later this winter. We are still friends and he has been extremely supportive of me, even during my worst moments. :) His kids will be here for Christmas and I’m really looking forward to spending it with him and them. (This is the first time I’ve ever planned Christmas for kids and I’m really loving it!) Things have been really tough at times emotionally, but we’re working through it and making the best of the situation. For the most part, we still get along together great, and I am really proud of that.

So new beginnings are on the horizon and in the back of my mind I’m thinking Wow, here we go again.

From past experience I know that much of what I’ll be expecting from this new chapter of life won’t come to be, but that I will also be experiencing things that I can’t even start to imagine. There will be struggles that I can’t foresee, but I know these experiences will ultimately be in my best interest because my life struggles ALWAYS force me into growing somehow. I will also grow in unexpected ways, and things in life will happen even better than I imagined them. It always happens this way. The good, the bad, the expected and unexpected.

This makes me wonder about choice and emotion. These situations that are put in front of our faces. If we were all just OK about it all, then we wouldn’t have any impetus for growth then, would we? The job negotiation, for example. It’s the first time I’ve ever negotiated the conditions before accepting a position. I feel weird and kind of guilty asking for more than what I’m offered, but if I weren’t freaking out and stressed about the situation I probably wouldn’t have asked for more hours. And then I wouldn’t have learned the valuable lesson of asking for what I want and deserve.

If I hadn’t felt so unhealthy and yucky about myself 7 years ago, I wouldn’t have quit smoking, which then led to exercising more, which led to eating better, which led to losing weight and being healthy.

If I hadn’t passed out at work and fallen flat on my face 3 years ago, I wouldn’t have realized how sorry I really felt about myself and worked on improving myself, which led to significant personal transformations.

If I wasn’t so stressed out by my boyfriend’s unhappy ex-wife this past summer, then I wouldn’t have made that decision to focus only on Inner Peace and Enlightenment, and go through a huge inner shift in my perception of what’s important.

And so on, and so on, and so on…

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