new year’s resolution: stop looking outside that window and get inside the house!

Image: Window at Bushong by KansasPhoto (Patrick) on flickr.com

Truth be told, there’s no need for me to set any goals for the new year: I come up with so many personal goals for myself that I should make a living out of it.  But at the present, there are several things going on in my life that are in a state of limbo and need some changing.  The main culprit is that I’m fresh out of graduate school with a Master’s degree and trying to look for a full-time job in the middle of an economic crisis, which feels like running up a muddy hill–in high heels.  I’m also in limbo with my social life and am still settling in from moving, about 4 months ago, from an area I absolutely loved to a new area that is, well…it’s a place to live.  It’s been a challenge at times to keep myself from going into a malaise. After mulling over the numerous goals and challenges I currently want to embark on, which I’ll get to on the next post, I realized that, unless I fix my tendency to be chronically blah, I will always get in the way of my own accomplishments.

My main New Year’s resolution

So this year, my MAIN New Year’s resolution is to focus on and control my internal feelings no matter what is going on outside myself.

My first test was the weather outside the other morning. It was cloudy and grey. But then I simply started ignoring those clouds, and focused instead on my inner self, like closing the shutters to the windows outside and focusing instead on the inner warmth and comfort of my soul. What was I doing focusing on all that nonsense when I had this great inner space to come to instead? It was like settling down in front of a fireplace, pulling up some comfy pillows and blankets, and relaxing in the warmth.

The real test came later that day when I found out that I would not be getting a job I had applied for. They hadn’t even considered me for an interview. That hurt. The person I was talking to on the phone might as well have reached through the phone and jabbed her fist into my heart. Except it wasn’t her making me feel that way. It was me. After I got past the initial sting of despair (which was HOURS later by the way), I decided to look away from what was happening on the outside and, once again, focus on my inner self. And it worked like a charm. It took a little time, but I felt a lot happier more quickly than I normally would have.

The process is simple once you get it.

It is not being in denial of what is happening, but becoming detached toward the outside world and making a conscious decision to focus inward, refusing to give any significant meaning to what is occurring externally.  Once you become detached from a situation, it is easy to build up your own sense of well-being and happiness.  You build a fire from what you already have inside yourself, and focus on the inner warmth. Even if things are really bad, especially when things are really bad, you can try to get some temporary relief by practicing this process 10-30 minutes a day.

This process reminds me of the first few lessons from A Course in Miracles, which teach that nothing you see or think means anything and that you are never upset for the reasons you think.  In reality, we create how to feel based on what we define as “hurtful”, and we are making a choice to let something bother us when we feel a bad emotion. But on the other hand, we can also choose to ignore what is “hurtful”. Just let it go and choose to feel better.

Zen Habits has a great post called The Single Secret to Making 2009 Your Best Year Ever which is along the same lines as what I’m talking about. Leo’s post explains how to stop waiting for the next big thing that will make your life complete (which will never happen by the way) and be happy in the present, regardless of where you are in life.

Looking inside yourself also relates to the law of attraction, because when you feel good on the inside, things on the outside automatically start to change so they match up to your vibration. If the process of cultivating an inner sense of well-being feels difficult, don’t give up! Anything you do is like building up muscle. Keep trying, and with practice, your inner sense of peace will become stronger.

So for this year, I will be making a conscious effort to remember to “get back inside the house” when things on the outside start looking glum. I will post updates periodically on my progress.

Next post: Other goals for the new year.