5 Coping Methods to Get Through a Rough Patch

1. First of all, believe that things can, and will, positively change for the better. This means a change in how you feel, a change in your situation, and perhaps even a change in your life direction. There are two reasons for believing in positive change. 1) Change is not possible unless you first believe it is possible. 2) Believing that positive change is possible puts you in a mind frame of having control, therefore eliminating feelings of powerlessness. This does not mean things will change immediately, but in the meantime you can at least start feeling better by gaining control over your emotions. Remember, you don’t have to actually DO anything. Just believe.

Back in 2005 I was hit with several life challenges at once and suffered an entire year of horrible depression and anxiety. If I had believed that things would get better it would have made things a lot easier. In fact, things did get better, but not until an entire year cycled through and specific events had completed. Even then, I did not start feeling better until I started taking control over my negative thought patterns (which were often to the point of being ridiculous) and made the intention to think more positive thoughts.

2. Do ANYTHING you can to make yourself feel better…within reason. This seems like simple advice, but it’s so easy to forget the importance of taking care of ourselves and having fun while going through a rough patch. Sometimes it can be as simple as getting out of the house and going for a walk, taking a relaxing candlelit bath, or visiting a friend. Spoil yourself! Go on a weekend getaway or indulge yourself with an extravagant meal.

The point is to do something that distracts your mind from the situation and immediately makes you feel better. You should also occupy your time with a hobby or interest so you’re not dwelling over the problem. The only caveat I have: Be careful about reckless behaviors such as drugs, excessive alcohol, or unprotected sex, especially if you’re in a particularly bad state of mind. You want to be good to your mind and body.

3. Get to the ROOT of the problem. Figure out why your particular situation makes you feel bad. Does it threaten your finances, which you just happen to depend on in order to feel secure in life? Does it make you feel like people don’t love or respect you? When we feel bad it is almost always because we feel powerless and fear something will be taken away from us. Our ultimate goal in life is to learn that we have everything we need right here inside of us. In other words, we don’t need external events to validate anything about us.

We attract external situations that match how we feel inside. Additionally, the universe is set up to give us the perfect situations that foster growth of the things we feel we lack. For example, if you feel unlovable you might attract situations of rejection such as losing a friend or getting stood up on a date. Only when you refuse to look at the external situation, and believe with full confidence that you are a lovable and well-liked individual, will those situations no longer bother you and eventually stop all-together.

Find the root of your problem and then create positive feelings around it with affirmations and creative visualization. There are tons of websites on the Internet with information about creating effective affirmations. Some good links to start with are this page from About.com and Attraction Mind Map’s reasons why affirmations fail to work. Creative visualization uses the imagination to visualize an ideal situation or outcome. A good book on this topic is Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain.

4) Find an empowering source of inspiration. Read a self-help book, see a good counselor, watch inspiring movies, listen to motivational CDs, read inspirational blogs. It doesn’t matter what you do, but do something that cradles your soul and makes your heart sing. And then keep going back to it! Empowering sources of inspiration provide a constant sense of motivation, hope and support during times of trouble.

As of this writing I’m going through a little bit of a minor rough patch myself in my job situation, one of those transitional limbo type of periods because job opportunities in my discipline aren’t very abundant. And now I’m not really sure what to do with myself. I could freak out. I could blame it on the economy. Instead I’m keeping myself emotionally centered and reading a lot of inspirational material. I read Steve Pavlina daily. Almost obsessively. In fact, I just ordered his book Personal Development for Smart People. I’m also almost finished with The Success Principles and have started listening to Jack Canfield’s audio CD Maximum Confidence.

And here’s something else to think about: Perhaps the economic situation is a blessing in disguise, because otherwise I never would have sought out these sources and developed my inner strength. Perhaps your situation is a blessing in disguise too. How will you know? Here’s a clue: It always is.

5. Take time out of your day to intentionally focus on feeling at peace. This is different than the second method I mentioned above, which is to do anything possible to distract your mind from an uncomfortable situation. This method is considered more of a meditation or visualization that requires dedicated time and focused intention to maintain a feeling for an extended period of time. The difference here is that you are not depending on external events, but strengthening your inner ability to connect with joy. It might require some some practice, but it is important not to give up because it essentially trains the mind to maintain a constant state of feeling better.

Basically, the point is to take a break from the outside world and find your way to feeling good, and then maintain that feeling for 10-30 minutes (or more if it suits you.) Don’t worry if you don’t do it perfectly. The point is to train your mind into thinking more positive and to get your brain to make neuron connections that will make it easier to be more positive in the future. It’s like a muscle. It takes time and practice in order to strengthen.

Here are some suggestions on how to get there:

• Experiment with meditation. About.com has instructions and suggestions for meditation here and here. Steve Pavlina has a powerful meditation on connecting with your higher self that I particularly enjoy.
• Imagine that the outside world does not exist. Then, relax your entire body and remember a time in your life when you were really happy. Keep that feeling of happiness with you and relish in the moment of feeling good NOW. Don’t talk yourself into thinking that the happiness is “fake” just because you borrowed it from a memory. That feeling is YOURS and is as real as you choose to make it.
• Imagine god (or All-That-Is or source energy or Allah or whatever you want to call it) is like a mother taking good care of you. Pretend the entire universe is conspiring FOR you. All the people you meet, all you coworkers, family, complete strangers, even your enemy, want the very best for you. Imagine that everything around you, EVERYTHING, is a positive force in your life. Don’t worry if you don’t get the feeling exactly perfect. Stick with this feeling for as long as you want.
• Make up your own method! You know yourself best. What makes you feel happy? What types of positive thoughts come easily to you? Hardly anybody ever teaches this, but you can make up any mind training method you want. Use your imagination to come up with ways to “trick” your mind into feeling better. Beyonce created her alter ego, Sasha Fierce, to “take over” during performances. I used to make up “super ninja mind tricks” to deal with a variety of issues, from trying on different feelings or personality traits (e.g. being more open, confident, cheerful, etc) to imagining my core self as a powerful and unbreakable rod of steel. (The latter, used with some other visualizations and affirmations, once propelled me into a euphoric hypomanic state that lasted 3 weeks!)

So these are five coping methods that I use and find to be effective. This list certainly is not exhaustive, but is a great starting point if you don’t know where else to turn. I’d love to hear other ideas on coping during a rough patch. What do you do?