Reflections on spirituality, personal transformation, self-help and all that mojo stuff.
Sometimes anger is a good thing. It says, “Enough! This is NOT acceptable anymore.” Once you really feel that message inside the core of your being, you become empowered and your actions automatically follow suit, eliminating that which is unacceptable anymore.
Otherwise, if you can’t allow yourself to be angry, then there is a part of you that thinks it is OK to allow that negative thing to continue happening.
So, why do you do this to yourself?
It’s all about focus. When your “why” is that important, you find the “how” more easily.
Erin Pavlina’s comment on why Steve Pavlina was able to graduate college in three semesters. Found on their online forum.
From now on, I choose to focus on the positive things I’m working towards, not on the things I think are holding me back.
Being in situations that deprive me of what I want force me to be more of what I want. The uncomfortable void fosters maturation and personal growth. To learn to be happy and fulfilled without the external things I think I need, that is the greatest lesson ever. I thank the universe for that.
What woman goes through life without ever getting a pedicure? Me, that’s who! Well, almost, until my beautician cousin convinced me to get one from her. I finally got my first pedicure yesterday and am loving my new funky blue toes. Finally, my feet are funky in a good way. 
New Blue Toes
I originally wanted a cool looking shimmery teal that I saw online but the salon didn’t have any of that in stock, so I chose a dark blueish-teal base color with a light shimmery blue on top.
My cousin scolded me when I tried to tip her. I love my family.
Later that afternoon my toes and I spent the early evening relaxing on the deck.
I absolutely love this view.
Relaxing on the Deck
There’s something about the greenery, the tranquil water, and occasional calming breeze of this place that helps keep me connected with peace. And having pampered bare feet doesn’t hurt either. 
Expect growth, not perfection.
Today as I was driving home from work through some very heavy traffic, I caught myself becoming annoyed with the other drivers. A car would speed by too fast (in my opinion at least!) and I would imagine the driver as arrogant and reckless. Someone would be too eager to get in the other lane and I would imagine that driver as being pushy and confrontational.
In fact, I was even starting to have imaginary arguments with these people. Why do you have to be such a jerk?, I would think. Oh yeah, the imaginary driver would yell back, why don’t you mind your own damn business?!
As one of thousands who commutes daily through Washington D.C.’s infamous 495 beltway, known for it’s parking lot “rush hours”, I can’t be the only one who does this, right?
It soon occurred to me that I could imagine things differently, and I wondered what it would be like to imagine everyone around me as fellow beings from heaven. I started to imagine all the other drivers, along with myself, as enlightened beings that came down from heaven.
Suddenly the world seemed to lighten up. I then started to extend my visualization to everything around me. Not only were the people from heaven, but we were IN heaven. The cars, the road, the trees, the sky, the clouds. Everything was heaven. We were all in heaven.
Looking at everything around me this way reminded me how to see the world as a child: carefree, light and without worry. The angry people vanished, and I was instead surrounded by serene individuals just minding their own business. In addition to this, I also felt a kindred connection with all of these strangers around me. It was if we all knew each other.
I also stopped judging what I saw as “good” or “bad”. Actually, that’s not completely true. I saw everything as good, and that is because everything felt good. Everything feels good when you’re in heaven.
There goes another speeding car! Oh well, he’s just another angel among us, probably on his way home from work. I bet he’s really looking forward to coming home to his family!
The change in my attitude was drastic, and was definitely a lot better than the negative and needless arguing I was doing before! I’d like to imagine seeing heaven no matter where I am and keep it up for a full day. I’ll have to try that as one of my next experiments with positive visualization.
Depression brings you down. It weakens both the mind and body. It steals your life away by preventing you from enjoying what life has to offer.
Depression feels like being trapped under water. You cannot feel, or breath, or even see outside of that mental prison. Depression is a suffocation of both the mind and senses that leaves you numb and senseless. You cannot think. You’re not sure how to function properly. You question your abilities as a human being. You are lost.
There were so many times in the past when I wondered how my life would be different, how much I could have accomplished in life, if depression and anxiety had not held me back. I was always smart. But smart doesn’t do you any good when you feel half-dead from depression and unable to write that college term paper. I was always attractive and a good person. But that doesn’t do you any good if you’ve got low self-esteem regarding relationships and men. I think you get the point.
I used to get severely depressed. A lot. But the thing is, I NEVER gave up hope that things could get better, that I would eventually find a way to feel better and be happy. There were so many times when people suggested that I take anti-depressant medication. That, to me, felt like a cop-out. Deep down inside I KNEW there was a way to change how I felt and that it was up to me to change it. I didn’t know exactly how to do it, but I knew there had to be a way. And I knew that taking medication would only treat the symptoms and would not solve the problem at its core.
Let me tell you about antidepressants. I will not argue against the fact that some people need medication. However, I sincerely believe that most people are depressed because of what they think and believe about themselves and the world. Most people are depressed because they have a perspective about life (or aspect of life) that is gloomy, rigid, fear-based, disempowering, closed-minded, too serious, judgmental and/or [you fill in the blank]. Antidepressants will speed up your brain and help put some pep into your step. Antidepressants are GREAT and even necessary if you’re so depressed that you can’t get out of bed and function. Please, if you are ever at this point, go to a doctor and get some antidepressants. However, don’t believe that medication will be a cure-all and make you live happily ever after. Because medication can not change how you think!
It is possible to improve depression without medication, but it takes work. The key is to keep a close watch on your thinking and beliefs. Do you have low self-esteem or lack of confidence? You might not even realize it! I didn’t. Do you base your self-worth on your career or relationship success? If so, you need to change you perspective about what’s important in life. You might have layer after layer of negative thinking to get through. I’m not saying the process is quick, but the more you work through it the more you’ll feel better.
Today, I am solving the problem at it’s core. I do it every day. Sometimes all day long. What exactly am I doing? I’m observing and challenging my beliefs. I’m reminding myself that I need to focus on feeling good. I’m remembering how to feel good and then putting that into practice. It is not easy because it does not feel natural. It feels more natural for me to slide back down into a lower level of feeling, but I refuse to feel that way and choose to raise my vibration level instead. I know that over time it will feel more natural, so it’s worth it.
Depressed people, remember that how you feel is YOUR responsibility. It is up to YOU to do the work. This can be really difficult because when you are depressed you feel incapable of doing anything. But start small. Start by doing anything you can to make yourself feel better. Then handle the bigger stuff. Complaining will make you feel worse. You might think you are just getting things off your chest, which is OK once in a while, but complaining usually just makes you focus on the negative. Complaining also makes you into a victim, because only people who feel powerless complain.
Be responsible for handling your own feelings. There are lots of books on depression out there. Just go to amazon.com and look at the bestsellers. If you’re broke, go to the library. No matter what you do you’re going to be stuck with how you feel, so you might as well deal with it! Even if you decide to end your life, how do you know you still won’t be stuck with how you feel in the afterlife? Maybe the best circumstances to alleviate your depression were set up here on Earth. Or, maybe having a mood disorder was the most effective way to facilitate growth and transformation for you in this lifetime. I know I would not be who or where I am today without the work my depression and anxiety has required.
Dealing with depression or any other mood disorder is a constant work in progress. You might never completely get it done. That’s OK. I’ve come to the conclusion that I will always struggle with depression. I will occasionally get depressed. But I will also improve, just like I’ve always done.
How to find joy:
See the world as your playground.
See every person as your soul mate.
See every moment as an opportunity for joy.
Feel love whenever possible.
See your workplace as a space to express your highest creative outlet.
See enemies as extensions of yourself, mirrors of what your inner demons, and opportunities to let go and let love.
See life as a fun adventure, a soothing ride, a loving embrace.
But before doing any of this, you have to find these feelings within yourself first. Intend to see these things in everything, and you will. It is your choice. Dismiss everything else. Focus on what is really important.
And don’t forget to remember.
To help me keep on track with my commitment to be happy, I devised this happy to-do list. It serves as a reminder that my happiness is a priority that should be taken seriously above everything else. I try to read it each morning, attempt to practice the techniques outlined below throughout the day, and then give myself a self evaluation, as well as a sort of “pep talk” if needed, along with visualizations and affirmations at the end of the night.
So far this has been great at keeping me focused on being happy. In fact, I think the simple act of planning and writing out the list has, in itself, caused my mind to focus more on happiness. In other words, the intention to be happy has probably had more effect than the list itself. But this list is still essential to have around during those times that I lose track and start to become depressed.
The check list at the end exists for that very reason because, most of the time, I start to fall into a depression without even realizing it. But now I know myself well enough to recognize the warning signs: irritation, feeling rejected by others, not as excited by music, etc. This is the first time I’ve ever tried any sort of system for happiness maintenance AND depression prevention, and I think both are essential for people who suffer from any type of chronic or situational depression.
By the way, some of my ideas for the first section of this list came from 20 Simple Tips to Be Happy Now (.pdf) from The Happiness Institute. This is such an excellent web site with lots of fantastic free resources on being happy. I highly recommend it to anyone.
Anyway, here is the list…
DAILY HAPPY LIST
TO-DO THROUGHOUT THE DAY
TO-DO AT NIGHT
DEPRESSION CHECK LIST
Have I felt any of the following lately?
This last section, the Depression Check List, is just to gauge whether I’m starting to slip into a funk. We all get annoyed or irritated over things once in a while. However, for me, feeling annoyed at various things throughout the day or over the period of a few days is the start of a slippery slope of negativity. Recognizing the signs from this list will allow me to nip depression in the bud by taking any number of steps to put myself in a more positive frame of mind. I can either use the To Do at Night techniques listed above or break out one of my many self help books.
