There is one complaint I get from my girlfriends that frustrates me more than anything else, and it is this continuous pining for a husband and kids.
I know, I KNOW, years ago I was there myself. (Well, not really for the marriage and kids so much, but for a decent relationship in general.) So why do I seem impatient about this topic? It’s not because I’m particularly annoyed by my friends complaints, but because I see them making themselves needlessly miserable.
I try to tell these friends to simply have fun and make themselves happy and to not think so much about marriage, kids and happily-ever-after relationships, things that are never guaranteed in life anyway. I want them to stop obsessing about these things that they DON’T have and focus on the things in life they DO have and the experiences they can CREATE for themselves. Because by focusing so much on this future possibility they are taking away from the present moment. By focusing so much on what you don’t have RIGHT NOW, you drain yourself of creating new possibilities in life RIGHT NOW.
The key is to be good to yourself. Treat yourself like a rock star. Wanna feel love? Confidently shine your love onto others: friends, strangers, homeless people, co-workers, etc., as if you really don’t give a rat’s ass if they shine that love back to you or not. 99.9999% of the time that love will come right back to you anyway. Don’t wait for a special person to make you feel special. You ARE that special person with the ability to make OTHERS feel special, and when you make that connection it feels like pure joy.
Feel the freedom to do anything you want in life, and then do it. Listen to life and go where it’s whispers tell you to go. Watch for the opportunities in front of you, the tugs at your heart telling you to GO! Create yourself, reinvent yourself. Realize that the important things in life aren’t career or where you’re going, but people, experiences and simple happiness. Do what makes you happy in this very moment, not what you think will make you happy in the future.
Allow yourself to feel sexy. Flirt. Be open and vulnerable. Be desirable. HAVE FUN!
Stop worrying about how the other person doesn’t match your every need and expectation. I can’t think of any other way to ruin a potentially good time than by doing that! Just be the rock star you are and have fun with this person regardless. You can potentially have an interaction of pure awesomeness with practically any person you meet, but it won’t happen if you’re bogging the experience down with negative thinking. Just be open and have fun.
Keep doing this and you’ll start to feel so good that people will naturally gravitate towards you like crazy. You’ll be having so much fun that it will practically supersede any feelings of loneliness or despondency. Yeah, maybe those feelings will still be around, but at least they won’t be dominating how you feel anymore. Most importantly, those negative feelings of wanting, needing, won’t be dominating who you ARE any longer, because you have redefined yourself as a vibrant, fun and confident individual who doesn’t need a relationship, marriage or kids to be complete. And guys LOVE that.